Date of Award

Fall 2020

Document Type

Thesis Restricted

Degree Name

Master of Arts (MA)



Committee Chairperson

Maureen McVeigh Trainor, M.F.A

Committee Member

Kristine Ervin, Ph.D

Committee Member

Jacqueline Alnes, Ph.D


Heart Closed until further Notice (HCufN) is a memoir about me, Mohammad Amer, who was born unfortunately in the wrong society and country. That said, I made utterly unreasonable decisions only to survive society's sarcastic and unending commentary. Eventually, these wrong decisions led me to self-doubt, sorrow, and misguidance. My memoir explores the different layers and the most profound meaning of fear, grief, loss, and mental breakdown. Besides, it explores being trapped in the vicious cycle of making wrong decisions, not because I intentionally made them, but because I took them to satisfy society's rules. In this chapter, I focus on the journey that I took to heal but ended with another significant heartbreak that I never expected. I talk about falling in love with an angel that was a complete grace from God. However, being in a patriarchal society, I became blind to this grace and then neglected it because I was terrified by the society's judgment. Unable to understand my arbitrary choices, my love got a stroke and died because she loved me triple the amount I loved her. The fourth chapter focuses on the void that filled me as it became my eternal companion.